Monday, December 15, 2008

the truth is struggling to be said


i lost a friend in the avalanche yesterday. her name is heather gross. she was skiing inbound and got hit by the avalance... by the time they found her (an hour later) it was too late. although she was still alive, she died soon after she was flown to the hospital.
last time i spoke to her she told me how funny it was because she got asked on a ski date by 2 different guys who were best friends and they didn't know they both asked her out. she thought it was hilarious. so did i. her last facebook comment said "heather is skiing freshness for the next mannny days and maybe does not have to drop out of school". she was soo excited about the snow. i love people that get excited about the weather. she studied linguistics and was good at it, but never took herself too seriously, like so many of us like to do. she seemed to realize it was all temporary...
heather i am glad, we saw obama win together and shared that night...
i know this will sound cliche but i swear it happens to the best people out there. i know none of us are immune to it, but it always seems so untimely to the best ...
she was probably the easiest person to get along with in the department.
"I hear in my mind all of this music, and it breaks my heart", that was her religion, she said.
i am sorry heather. i wish i believed in some type of afterworld and i could say things like, you are better off there or you are in a better place or i will see you there, and all the other stuff people say and i wish i could say it too, because it would sure make me feel better. but i know it is all bs, i know you were here and now you are not. you were a beautiful girl heather. that i know. you said skiing was your your favorite thing in the world. i am glad you were skiing heather when it happened.

Friday, December 12, 2008

a secret (or me trying to wink)


ironically on my radio show today i am interviewing three bloggers.
in fact the whole show is about blogging.
and they don't even know about mine...
does anybody?

Monday, December 8, 2008

today is not just another day


today:

1. it is snowing (finally) beautifying everything it covers, like the first kiss or even the first fight...

2. this morning i dropped dagny off at a high school, where she is 'shadowing' another student. although her mind is set on another high school, this is the one i went to. this building and its' occupants were my fist experiences with this country, this language, this people, in every possible way. as i walked the halls with dagny next to me this morning, it felt odd, hurried, fast. the time has gone by so fast, is it possible that i have a 14 year old daughter? is this really my life, i wondered. oddly, as i stepped outside i realized that i actually have a lot of life ahead of me... instead of feeling old, i felt surprisingly young.

3. at 10:05, by which time i had finished my coffee at least 40 minutes prior, i had a strong urge, need, want to have tea and almonds. i scraped my pockets and found $6.00 exactly. as i ran to a little store in the student housing building by my office, i was wondering if the mean lady who is always there would be working today. there is no way she would let me get away with being few cents short. well, she was there, being her typical self as ever, but my total was $5.97.

4. the snow has not stopped falling...

this is not just another day

Friday, December 5, 2008

he+i


... you grow up the day you have your first real laugh, at yourself...
Ethel Barrymore

well not really the first one, but...

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