Sunday, October 28, 2007


one of them is an anthropologist and filmmaker the other one runs a television channel and is a screenwriter. i first saw jen's film when i was pregnant with dagny and trying to make my little experimental films. i was totally blown away. i remember going home and looking for her phone number in the phone book. i am not sure what i was going to say to her if i would have found it. i called some numbers but couldn't find the right one. years later i picked her up as a hitchiker as i was driving from sundance film festival. that's when we became friends. i don't think i have ever told her about our stocking past. mary i meet when she was still writing for a small paper in town. i would arrange press screenings at the tower theater. she has done so much since then! and she has always been sooo sweet to me. right now she has written a screenplay that is completely sold out. it deals with atomic testing that was done in utah and nevada, resulting in many premature cancers and other deseases. the was she talked about her own cancer in the play was incredible. i love women like mary and jen!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

rat race?


i have a funny feeling its all going to work out...

i will start making movies
we will move somewhere far far away
dagny will be sweet to me and she won't do drugs or get pregnant (not now i mean as a teen)
georgia will stabilize
we'll all smile a lot

so there, that's all i want

only a rat can win a rat race
(thanks michael franti for a great show)

Monday, October 22, 2007

maybe there is nothing that does that


last couple of days all i can think about is how much i want to be part of something that transcends everything else. i don't think linguistics does that.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

the way in which


"our burdens may be of such a nature that we feel bound to bear them cheerfully or without complaint. they may arise from the nature of our situation; they may be allotments of Providence; they may be the consequences of our errors. what is upon us, as a load, we commonly carry with greater reluctance or sense of oppression. it is our loads, our burdens that difine who we are by the way in which we accept and carry them."

Thursday, October 11, 2007

weeks, days, minutes


the weekend was spent seeing my host sister with her new dude as she has gone from one rehab to another tracking the steps of california hard way, she and her new guy, who has also gone through rehab and looks like a street thug, i want him in one of my movies
listening to rockabilly legends and legends to be/was, watch rockabilly john dance with a pinup girl
watch my husband watch another girl... like really watch, uncomfortably so.
learn about pakistani school project
house a little girl who is lost and thinks she wants to end her life, wonder what if that was dagny, who would she go to?
serve
have many many men hit on ... not me
i miss dancing oh so much dancing,
i know this city of salty lake like it is a palm of my hand, except i only think i know my palm
even now when i cover my eyes i see tbilisi, it is ironic that i will probably never live there again
in paris men loved me, i have never received as much attention as i did there, uncomfortably so.
maybe i should not care about that
maybe
john wore a brown velvet jacket today, it looked nice.

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